Righteous Anger is a Superpower

In the comments on a social media post after the election the people in the screenshots below, hiding behind anonymity (anonymous, I guess, because they are writing things that they must know may offend people in their lives), asserted that I am “not nice enough” and that this would somehow not bode well in my activism and advocacy. No one asked for their evaluation and I have received very different feedback from people who actually work in this advocacy space and understand effective activism. They appreciate my assertiveness, my advocacy, what drives me, and my unwillingness to back down. Given that these anonymous commenters seem connected to Cal and may even have been involved in online interactions spreading antiquated views that I challenged, their opinions cannot be taken seriously. 

This small, but loud & entitled, group of Melrose townies who insist I am “not nice enough” baffles me. I am educated on the subjects I write about. I have been strong in my truth and convictions, but have not been mean. They just don’t like that they received back exactly what they were dishing out. For example, DDM (I will just use her initials here) wrote in a public group to me: “Please get help off of Facebook. Take your fucking bullshit to a therapists office.” She was mad that I was holding her friend, who is a public elected official, accountable for the horrible things she wrote in a public Facebook group. DDM and the other people who attacked me over the previous two years, calling me a liar and trying to silence me, do not deserve niceness and many would agree that they are the ones who are not nice. I told my friend, who has been doing this work for 25 years and is the CEO of a national nonprofit, what DDM wrote and she said “People can speak out AND go to therapy.” It doesn’t have to be one or the other. Being vocal about what these people said, wrote, and did is not mean. I would love to see screenshots of what I was responding to in these instances that these people think I wasn’t nice. I would bet my life that whatever I was responding to received the appropriate response from me. 

The idea that women must always be nice when standing up for themselves is steeped in misogyny and it is not just men who uphold this patriarchal standard. Women who assert themselves, refuse to be intimidated, demand justice, or challenge abusive men and their enablers are often labeled “not nice,” which is a tactic used to silence, diminish, and control. We have seen this on the national stage too. Donald Trump calls women who are not part of his circle of suck-ups “nasty” (among other things) or tells them they don’t smile enough. This tactic, whether conscious or not, is a tool of oppression. It is a reflection of the culture and attitudes that people use to silence and shame women who have been harmed and protect the men who do the harming. A sexual assault survivor who refuses to prioritize others’ comfort over accountability is not at fault. Attacking her for this says more about you than it does about her. One of these anonymous commenters told me to “pick my battles” and implied microaggressions are not worth fighting. Every battle in this fight matters. What one person sees as mild, others experience as deeply harmful and very problematic.

Any anger that comes across in my posts or writing is completely justified. Being sexually assaulted and then attacked and subjected to an orchestrated smear campaign to try to discredit me absolutely warrants anger and my anger was rightly pointed where it belongs. I do not owe “nice” to Ward, Cal, Dave, or any of the other people who attacked me, lied about me, endorsed my abuser, ignorantly threw around the word defamation, tried to silence me, and tried to shame me for telling the truth. Anger is an emotion that no one should be shamed for or be ashamed to have.

In the 2012 Avengers movie, Captain America says to mild mannered Bruce Banner as they are going into a battle: “Now might be a really good time for you to get angry.” Bruce responds as he is turning into the Hulk “That’s my secret Captain. I’m always angry.” Bruce/Hulk is one of my favorite Avengers and this line has always stuck with me. I asked Chat GPT to help me explain the deeper meaning of this line and how it relates to the survivor activism and advocacy realm:

Bruce Banner’s constant, controlled anger allows him to transform into the Hulk, unleashing immense power at the right moment. Bruce’s “always angry” response shows that his anger isn’t a momentary reaction. It’s a metaphor for using intense underlying emotion to drive action rather than entirely suppressing the emotion. It’s an ever-present, controlled source of power. He has learned to live with it and channel it productively rather than letting it consume him destructively. The line suggests that anger, when justified and controlled, isn’t a weakness or a flaw. When anger is channeled deliberately it fuels action and it keeps the demand for accountability alive. 

For activists and survivors speaking out, this is the same principle. I have also channeled my anger productively . . . I made sure that Melrose knew who Ward Hamilton really is and what he did. Most people in Melrose believe me and agree that abusers should not be in leadership positions. I am also involved in creating legislative change that will protect survivors and their voices. I have testified already in Massachusetts (twice) and Connecticut. I am a vocal supporter of the national nonprofit organization Callisto. I raise money and awareness for Callisto as much as I can. I stand with and believe survivors. Anger at wrongdoing, at abuse, rape, rape culture, coordinated smear campaigns against victims/survivors, harassment, systemic injustice, etc., is justified, energizing, and often necessary. Anger becomes a tool that allows us to protect ourselves, protect others, and fight for accountability. Feeling angry when something is unjust or an egregious harm is committed is a natural response. It also gives people the motivation and strength to take action and create societal change. We should all have some anger about sexual violence and the way victims are mistreated by too many people. 

Anger is a valid emotion and a certain amount of it is healthy. Anger compels changemakers to challenge the status quo. Keeping that small internal fire burning allows us to turn righteous anger into a constructive, unstoppable force for justice and legislative reform. Like Bruce Banner, you can have anger and at the same time not be an angry person. Channel your inner Hulk and use that superpower! A healthy dose of anger makes sure that accountability is sought and the truth is not stifled just because it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient for some.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48dYTJegVcA