“If Your Voice Held No Power, They Wouldn’t Try to Silence You.” ~Ruth Bader Ginsburg

The Losing Loser Who Lost

Ward Hamilton lost the election. I do feel entitled to a victory lap and I am going to take the scenic route considering everything I’ve had to deal with over the last 35 years because of this vile individual. Not only did he lose, he got absolutely crushed. He was pretty much dead in the water as soon as Brad Freeman threw his hat in the ring. As I said in my last blog post, the only way this guy was going to retain his city council seat was if he was unopposed given all his baggage and his general lack of likability. Brad was a really strong candidate so any tiny chance that Ward could possibly scrape by with a win like last time instantly went out the window with Brad as his main opponent. This wasn’t just political for Melrose’s ward-4, it was this neighborhood choosing the better human being who is an actual mature adult who possesses integrity, good character, and decency. There are 11 people total on the Melrose City Council and I feel happy for Melrose that Brad Freeman is now at the helm with the other 9 good people (yes, 9).

Voters spoke loud and clear at the polls and I thank them for this. The overwhelming majority of people in Ward 4 pushed back against the much smaller loud minority. They rejected the rape culture tied to Ward Hamilton and rejected the endorsements from his townie friends who apparently don’t view any of his actions (in 1990 or in the last two years) as disqualifying. After 35 years, I finally received justice, and his defeat delivered a powerful message to all survivors in Melrose that their pain matters and they matter, not the people who harmed them. The family and friends (new & old) who stood by me with unwavering support throughout this ordeal and helped bring attention to the truth of Ward’s actions and abusive behavior also deserve my most heartfelt thanks and appreciation. They chose courage over comfort.

After the election I also received an outpouring of private messages on Facebook from current Melrose citizens I don't know and also some former classmates (one of whom played football with Ward in high school) thanking me for speaking out, continuing to be vocal, and not backing down despite the attacks and how difficult everything was. I responded to every message and these people know how much I appreciated them reaching out, but I want to give them this special shout out here too. Maybe someday the three former classmates from the trip who I reached out to in 2024, but ignored my message (or anyone else who might have information for me) will someday grow a conscience and contact me.

People should never forget what Ward did and the disgusting way he and his friends responded when I spoke out. Moving forward, people can use this situation to recognize harmful abusive patterns and DARVO tactics (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) people like this use to try to avoid accountability. When you see someone doing this, call it out. People should also remember who continued to support and endorse him despite being presented with a whole organized timeline of facts complete with screenshots and other documentation. If you know these individuals, hold them accountable by asking them directly why they chose to stand by him and whether they fully understand the impact that choice has on the community including their own children. Anyone who still endorsed and voted for him should do some self reflection. 

Most importantly, don’t ever forget the full-page ad in the Melrose Weekly News two weeks before the election in which Councilor Cal Finocchiaro publicly described Ward, who had been caught in several obvious and blatant lies about this and about me, as “honest.” Ward = lies, manipulation, and self preservation, not honesty. Cal ran unopposed so she is still representing Melrose in the city government and who knows what her political aspirations are. Hopefully they are not set high because the last thing this country needs is another politician who protects and defends abusers. This election proved to be confirmation that people do not put much stock in Cal’s opinions and her [poor] judge of character. They saw her endorsement for what it was, one townie trying to cover for another townie and putting her own personal relationship with Ward Hamilton over the well being of the community as a whole. Hopefully someone will run against her in 2027. Like her buddy Ward, she will not be difficult to beat. My opinion of this public government person is that she is insufferable, fake, self-serving, and has little regard for survivors of sexual assault. Women like Cal make it that much harder for other women to come forward after sexual assault whether they report immediately or are not able to talk about it for years or decades.

Victim Blaming/Shaming

What constitutes victim blaming or perpetuating rape culture is not a matter of opinion as some of these people who comment on Facebook seem to think. This pattern of behavior and harm directed at victims/survivors has been studied, documented, and acknowledged by experts who have devoted their entire careers to this societal problem. This is information that is all readily available via a quick Google search. Likewise, my own personal lived experience as a survivor of sexual violence is not up for debate, opinion, or interpretation. Denying my experience doesn’t minimize what happened to me. Calling it defamation (it’s not) does not minimize what happened to me. The way I chose to get this information to voters is not up for debate either as social media is the best and fastest way to do that especially considering I am not local. Many of these people tried to shut down my voice on Facebook & Reddit. This was relevant information for voters and should not have been suppressed. Their efforts to silence me failed anyway. 

It will never not be troubling when people, especially other women, give priority to a male abuser’s version of events rather than a woman who has been harmed. Just because someone has always been nice to you does not mean that they haven’t caused serious harm to someone else. Abusers don’t abuse everyone they come in contact with. I am not even sure what is so hard to believe. I am not telling some outlandish tale. What happened to me is so common still unfortunately, but false allegations of sexual assault are very uncommon. 

Studies consistently place false reports of sexual assault in the 2% to 8% range, depending on how ‘false’ is defined. Some people will argue that 8% sounds high, but that higher range is when claims are recanted due to pressure or the retraumatization caused by reporting and/or a trial, there is not enough evidence, or a report is otherwise categorized as unfounded. None of that means that an allegation was false or deliberately fabricated. The overwhelming majority of allegations are not false and the idea that false reports are common is a myth. I speak from experience when I say that nobody wants the attacks, backlash, and shaming from the ignorant people who refuse to educate themselves that comes with speaking out for a lie. There is nothing good about being treated like that and nobody wants that when they speak the truth either. Young people are especially vulnerable to risky, maladaptive, and self injurious behavior including attempted or completed suicide when communities and peers do this to victims as it is a secondary trauma often just as damaging as the assault/abuse. SO PLEASE STOP DOING THIS!!!

Yet, given the above statistics that I and others tried to present, the evidence shared in the court of public opinion about what happened to me, the context available, and my complete lack of incentive to lie, you’d expect a different response. Instead, this small but loud group of people (mostly Ward & Cal’s townie friends) still dismissed and tried to undermine my lived experience, minimize this, and attempted to silence me while protecting and defending the guy who harmed me so egregiously. 

This comment was written to me a few days after the election by a (likely) friend of Cal’s when I was addressing a couple of victim blamers who decided to attack me in a group where I could not respond: 

“Give it a break he lost already and you made the public aware that he’s a bad person. For your own sake when does it end? Fighting this fight every single day is not bringing you peace or justice.” -Anonymous Participant 100

Rule 1 of not being a victim blaming jerk: Do not ever tell someone else what will bring them peace and justice. This person has no idea what brings me, who she does not know, peace and justice. The audacity of her to say “for your own sake,” as if she had even the slightest concern for my well-being. I’ll manage my own “sake,” lady. I have peace. Speaking out after so many years of silence has given me so much peace. It was a massive weight lifted off of my shoulders and given to Ward where it has always belonged. I have honestly never been happier in my entire adult life and I have stepped into a whole new role and mission in life now that I am able to talk about this. Justice? I got that too! Finally being able to speak out about what Ward did and taking back the narrative about what happened to me brought me justice. All that combined with the 1,210 ward-4 residents who did not vote for him gave me a huge sense of justice. I wish these people could understand what that feels like. 

Ward Hamilton’s entire identity is so wrapped up in Melrose and his high school persona, which wasn’t even good, so obviously the only people really endorsing him were a handful of former classmates who lack the ability to see him with any objectivity. (Future blog post: The Townie Cult) Now that the people who matter know the truth about him, this is a very fitting reckoning for this narrow minded, narcissistic, insular townie who way overestimated his importance to the City of Melrose. I played a big part in that reckoning and that is what we call a long overdue full circle moment of karmic justice. 

Next item on the agenda . . . When does fighting this fight end? It ends only when the rape culture upheld by those who defend, shield, and enable perpetrators is dismantled. I have an important message and experience to talk about and I am going to share it. I will continue to talk about my experience (in 1990 and over the last two years) as a tool for education and prevention and for legislative change that will protect other survivors and future victims. Talking about what happened to me is healthy, healing, and has allowed me to reclaim my power and feel stronger. All the years of silence and bottling this up was incredibly unhealthy. Finally speaking out has allowed me to stand up for 18 year old me who was unable to at the time he did this, correct the narrative Ward falsified, and strengthened my sense of self. Sharing my experience has helped me heal and given my voice the weight it deserves. Continuing to share will hopefully inspire others to do the same because the shame is absolutely not theirs and I want others to feel as free as I now feel. Ward Hamilton woke a sleeping giant when he ran for public office and he only has himself to blame for any of the consequences of his own life choices.

Closing

This was a great election for Melrose. Not only did the residents of Melrose’s ward-4 vote out that thorn in the community’s side, but the city also passed the override which means that Melrose will see a meaningful boost in revenue allowing the city to invest more deeply in its schools and public services. Ward, Cal, and their friends tried to bury me, but they didn't realize I was a seed (as the saying goes). They only managed to shine a spotlight on the rot that is the culture that tries to protect perpetrators of sexual assault/abuse and punish survivors for speaking out. Thankfully, most people don’t operate this way, but the conversation in Melrose to confront and change that culture coming from those who do is just beginning. Stay tuned!