My First Blog Post!

Welcome to my first blog post! I’m finally sitting down to start writing about this painful, insane, surreal experience and I have a lot to say. I’m excited to start writing about this outside of social media, where people often try to invalidate my lived experience and post extremely hurtful, cruel, victim-blaming, and rape-culture perpetuating rhetoric. Writing is immensely therapeutic for me, as it is for many people. While I’ll never shy away from an opportunity to challenge outdated thinking and/or share what I have learned on this subject, it will be a nice change to simply write without feeling like I’m constantly going into battle. Some of the Melrose Facebook & Reddit groups are certainly not for the faint of heart! Yikes! My activism Instagram account is also a space where I can write and express myself in shorter caption form without being attacked while at the same time making meaningful connections with other survivors and allies, some of whom are also activists, change-makers, rabble-rousers, and advocates.

If you’ve ever read anything I’ve posted, emailed, or listened to me speak on this, you probably already know I’m not exactly short on words. After 33 years of silence, I have a lifetime of catching up to do and truths to tell. Some people have judged me for being too wordy and giving lots of extra context, but the truth is, over-explaining is a common trauma response among survivors of sexual violence. It’s not a flaw. It’s an adaptation to a world that constantly doubts, silences, attacks, and punishes survivors for speaking out or reporting. It comes from a place of deep desperation to be understood and to be believed. All of the extra words are a vulnerable plea to people: Please hear me, understand, and care that I was harmed so egregiously.

When I was first deciding whether or not to speak out about what Ward Hamilton did to me, a decision that was not taken lightly by any means, I was very naive. I truly believed that in a post #MeToo world, in a progressive, liberal leaning place like Melrose, MA people would care and be outraged that Ward, having done this and tried to hide from it and then attacked me for speaking out, was possibly going to be representing their city. People who are outraged about Donald Trump and the sexual assaults & harassment committed by him, would certainly be upset about a politician like this in their own small city, right? That’s truly what I believed. Even though I no longer live in Melrose, I thought the community would rally around me and I would be overwhelmed with support and care.

Spoiler Alert: That’s not what happened.

Now, I want to be clear . . . There have been many people who’ve shown up for me, stuck by me unwaveringly, sent me kind private messages, and I do not take any of that for granted at all. I appreciate these people more than they will ever know. Some are former classmates, both those still in Melrose and those who’ve moved away. Others are current Melrose residents (most not originally from Melrose, though a couple exceptional standouts are “townies.”) Then there are those who no longer live in Melrose but still feel connected to the community. And beyond those people, my husband and kids, supportive family members, longtime ride-or-dies, and my incredible circle of friends here in Connecticut (my current home) have been nothing short of a lifeline and have kept me going and have been shoulders to cry on and celebrate with throughout this rollercoaster of a 2+ years. The support of all of these people mentioned above has meant everything. I am endlessly grateful for all of them. One particular group (my army) has been an incredible source of strength, and I honestly don’t know what I would have done without these wonderful brave people. Some of them I have not yet even met in person! I would be remiss not to mention the other survivors who reached out privately offering words of encouragement, solidarity, or simply saying, “That happened to me too,” and thanking me for continuing to speak out. Their messages have stayed with me, and each one of them holds a very special place in my heart.

But on the flip side, the cruelty I’ve encountered since becoming more vocal about this since this past January has been staggering. Grown adults have written shockingly hateful, victim-blaming things very publicly. They write these appalling and antiquated things with such confidence that it is truly alarming. They won’t listen to me or anyone else who attempts to educate them and bring them into 2025. Most of these really mean and dehumanizing comments have come from people who grew up in and still live in Melrose, aka “townies.” What baffles me most are the women who have attacked me, shamed me for being vocal, and who perpetuate rape culture. Their cruelty is deeply painful and profoundly disappointing. Their comments don’t just hurt me and other survivors reading their malicious words, but they shine a spotlight on how deeply woven rape culture still is into the fabric of my hometown no matter the gender of those upholding it. These people fail to realize that this is whole situation is so much bigger than me and Ward Hamilton. It is about the culture that protects and defends perpetrators of sexual violence and attacks, blames/shames and tries to silence victims. If what happened to me happens (or already happened) to their children, would they want their children subjected to what they have subjected me to? They absolutely would not. 

There is no other crime in which victims are treated so poorly and people wonder why victims of sexual assault & abuse don’t report. These Melrose townies who have been so vicious in not believing me, attacking me, calling me crazy (and other horrible names), and threatening me with defamation are Exhibit A as to why many victims often ultimately don’t survive this and why too many people suffer in silence for too long or forever. Not many people are itching to be attacked by the ignorant masses who lack empathy and understanding after an already traumatic event. I am going to dedicate a future blog post entirely to these horrific comments written to me and about me so I will not go into those details now. (Side note: Just because it wasn't safe for me to speak out or report in 1990 does not mean I have to be silent forever. The average age for disclosing sexual assault/abuse is between the ages of 48 - 53. 1/3 of people sadly never disclose and take this to their grave.) 

It’s certainly been disheartening to witness adults who should know better write these things. It’s been absolutely disappointing and sad. It also reminds me exactly why I won’t ever be quiet again and why the people who fight have to keep fighting the good fight against this victim blaming/shaming mindset and culture. It pains me to think that these same Melrose people would likely behave this exact same way towards a young person who speaks out or reports a non-stranger rape if these people were friendly with the perpetrator and not the victim. People often say “But he has always been so kind to me. I could never believe he would do that.” Monsters do walk among us. 

It doesn’t matter if someone reports the same exact day that they were raped or not for 30+ years later. There will be these ignorant people there lining up to make the trauma of a sexual assault 1,000x worse for the victim. When I spoke out, did Ward’s townie friends really think I hadn’t already endured enough pain and suffering throughout my entire adult life from what he did to me? Do they think trauma is a joke and not real? Did it make them feel good to pile on, to make that pain even worse? Especially in 2023, before I had really processed any of this and was struggling with the overwhelming anxiety and other PTSD symptoms triggered by his city council run? Does that make them feel proud of themselves? Why are they so angry about me talking about how I was harmed? I have every right to do so. What motivates people, especially women, to behave like this? So many questions, so few townies willing to answer them.

Running parallel to the attacks was the apathy and the “I don’t want to get involved” crowd. These next few sentences are going to be tough to read for some and some people may get defensive, but it has to be said. Apathy to sexual violence and injustice allows it to continue. Nobel Peace Prize Laureate Archbishop Desmond Tutu famously stated: “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.” Elie Wiesel made similar statements that we are all familiar with. Dante Aligheri in the Divine Comedy wrote: “Inaction in a moral crisis is a condemnable act. Neutrality is seen as serving the abuser’s interests.”

I do believe that eventually the Melrose community can learn a valuable lesson from all of this in how to treat people. Telling a victim who reports immediately or isn’t able to speak out until decades later that they just have a “vendetta,” are out for “revenge,” and that they are out to “ruin, defame, and destroy” the man who committed an atrocity such as this is not kind and not what people should ever do/say and is never ok. Victims do not ruin lives by speaking out about their sexual assaults. The only ones who ruin lives when these crimes are committed are the perpetrators. Please repeat that out loud: Perpetrators ruin lives, NOT victims! Perpetrators ruin their own lives and the lives of their victims with their own life choices to harm others. (I will also be writing a future blog post on vendetta vs. accountability.) I have so much hope that the new Executive Director of the Melrose Alliance Against Violence (MAAV) will be that person who helps these uninformed Melroseians see the error of their ways and error of their words. She has already shown courage, empathy, understanding and a desire to repair the relationship between me and MAAV.

I never asked to be part of this story, but I have now taken full control of it. Sometimes I stop and wonder how this can possibly be real life, my life! Something I never wanted, never asked for, became my reality. Why do I have to be in the middle of all of this? I don’t want any of this, but continuing to sweep sexual violence under the rug is not an option and I am not the same quiet kid I was in 1990. I stand up for myself and for what is right. I wish I never had to ever think about this vile person again and I never should have had to, but that’s not how trauma works. Ward Hamilton woke a sleeping giant when he so arrogantly ran for public office having done this. His lies about me no longer hold any meaning or power. He first lied about me in 1990 and he’s still lying. He’s so tangled in his web of deceit that I’m not sure he even knows how to tell the truth. But anyone beyond his small circle of high school friends - those he clings to for relevance - can see him clearly for what he is: a dishonest, sad, insignificant person who lacks any sense of personal responsibility or integrity and seems to have a weirdly inflated sense of himself.

I still care so much about my hometown. Melrose voters have such good options in front of them, people who genuinely want to serve the city with integrity and compassion. It’s time to move forward by getting Ward Hamilton off the City Council and make space for community leaders who reflects the values this Melrose deserves.

~ Anne ~